The New Year being upon us, I would like to preach to you about fresh starts or something similarly useful. I’m certain Cole Spicker’s L.I.F.E. column would have been full of drily witty, wise-beyond-his-years advice on what makes a worthy New Year’s resolution and how to stick to yours this year, liberally sprinkled with Mary Poppins references.

I would like to do the same, but I am not an authority on the subject of New Year’s resolutions. The last one I made that lasted longer than an hour was, I think, when I was about six and apparently decided I would watch The Lion King at least once a day until The Hunchback of Notre Dame came out (let’s not talk about Pocahontas). Not only have I not followed through with them in previous years, but “make New Year’s resolutions for 2011, 2010 and 2009” is still an item on my to-do list, so I don’t know what to tell you.

But I am still keenly interested in looking ahead at what promises to be a very eventful year, so I am going to think a little bigger than myself here and answer (or waffle out of) the big questions, as in . . .

Who will win the presidential election? With the way it’s looking, this one depresses me a bit to even think about. I am one of the less-qualified Signpost staffers for this topic anyway, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say Rick Perry will surprise us all and turn out to be America’s saving grace in our increasingly hopeless political landscape. (Please think I’m serious. Please, I dare you.)

What will be the best film of 2012? Maybe the whole column should just be about this, because this year looks like a good one, or at least a profitable one, for film. Picking from a year that promises so many surefire hits — The Dark Knight Rises, The Avengers, The Hobbit, and I know Dark Shadows and The Iron Lady will have their considerable audiences — it’s all about The Hunger Games and Brave for me. I admit to being a little underwhelmed by Pixar’s critically praised offerings of the last few years, but I have high hopes for Brave. One Pixar executive described it as the love child of How to Train Your Dragon and Tangled, and does that not sound like the perfect animated movie? It’s Pixar’s first movie to feature a female protagonist, and if it and The Hunger Games do well enough, they might actually help foster the cultural acceptance of for-everyone blockbusters that just happen to have tough female protagonists.

This is actually an invalid category, though, because the Harry Potter movies are over.

What events are we most looking forward to/at Weber State University this year? This sounds like a category that should be here, but I hardly know what’s on the docket all across our wide board. I personally am excited to see the performing arts department’s production of the Moliere play Tartuffe. I personally thought Romeo and Juliet was stunning this last year and can’t wait to see what our talented theater people will do with the French comedy. I’m not familiar with the musical Cradle Will Rock, but will probably be there for that on opening night as well. I know many WSU students are probably more excited about sporting events or developments in their various departments of interest, so feel free to fill in the blanks for me here, but the theater department’s agenda has my vote.

What will be the worst thing to happen to us as a country this year? The world will end, of course. The real question is how that’s going to happen. I predict our ultimate downfall next December will be (A) Rick Perry actually does get elected and Michele Bachmann somehow gets to be his lackey, (B) SOPA, (C) a meteor hits, or something science-y, or (D) there is no question; it will be SOPA.

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