The new science building may be headed for the rubble pile (Source: The Signpost archive).
The new science building may be headed for the rubble pile (Source: The Signpost archive).

After major setbacks over the last few months, President Chuck Wight announced the cancellation of the new science building construction project this morning.

“We just didn’t like the look of the crane on our skyline,” Wight said. “Though there are some other totally legitimate reasons for this decision.”

Some of those reasons include the mysterious disappearance of workers and building materials after hours.

Hans Albright, head of the construction team, made assurances that nothing fishy is going on.

“We’re frankly not sure how Lind Lecture Hall got new renovations over the weekend,” he said. “Let’s just be thankful and not ask too many questions.”

Other mysterious occurrences included reports of Latin chanting emanating from the bowels of the construction site after dark and immaculately painted graffiti depicting satanic rituals appearing overnight on metal girders.

“I even saw some construction workers playing Dungeons and Dragons during their breaks last week,” said freshman Jane Chick. “I mean, that’s just asking for trouble.”

As part of the demolition process, the construction area will have to be widened for the rest of the semester. Parking will no longer be available in the A-lot outside Elizabeth Hall, and some of the demolition teams will also utilize parts of the W-lots next to the stadium.

Despite difficulties, Wight announced the old buildings 3 and 4 should be replaced in their historic positions by the beginning of next fall semester.

“We saved every brick, uncomfortable metal chair and spare piece of decade-old chalk during the demolition of buildings 3 and 4,” Wight announced. “We’ll be able to restore them to their former glory before students return in the fall.”

The saved materials were stored in the basement of the library in individually marked crates, just in case this reconstruction became necessary.

Despite these setbacks, Wight said he is looking forward.

“I hope we learn from this experience,” he said. “We thought having a new building would be great, but that crane was just too high a price to pay.”

Clarification: None of the facts you have read are true. Happy April Fool’s Day.

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