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Charles Bowker enjoying a piece of pizza. (Ariana Berkemeier / The Signpost)

Last Valentine’s Day, I wrote a column about how a man should love his woman. Now, in the 365 days since that column was written, I have spent a good 99 percent of those days single. Now I’m not bitter in any way because, despite my lack of love from a woman, I have found something to fill that loving void.

That love is pizza.

Now, before you laugh me off the campus, lets look at the merits of pizza.


No matter what you have done or how tough your day has been, pizza is always there for you. Pizza is alway ready to welcome you back with arms wide open, willing to engulf you in its warm embrace.

And say you want a break from pizza, maybe you want to sample some Chinese or Tex-mex? Pizza is 100 percent OK with that. Pizza can and will wait for you. Pizza knows where your heart truly lies, and it’s always hot and ready for you at the drop of a hat.

Good qualities

As I have battled through the dating field, I am constantly looking for qualities that mean the most to me in a probable mate. I have come to realize that pizza has all of those qualities.

Pizza is cheesy, and usually it’s not so cheesy that I feel disgusted in its presence. Pizza melts for me, and even falls apart in my hands just because of how melty it is. Pizza is usually hot, but even when it’s not, I still enjoy having pizza in my life. Most important of all of pizza’s traits is this—pizza satisfies me. It fills the holes in my heart, and that is something that means the world to me.

Pizza doesn’t judge

The average pizza can come in all different shapes and sizes. Whether it’s thin or thick, loaded down with sophisticated toppings or just plain cheese, pizza is accepting of what form you choose to enjoy.

The same goes for pizza’s choice of suitor. You can be tall, short, skinny, fat, white, black — pizza is 100 percent accepting of you, flaws and all. Pizza will never look at you and say that you aren’t good enough. To pizza, you are perfect.

Pizza is bae

I use this word with an ounce of caution, but pizza really comes before anything else. There are very few foods when I’m hungry that can take the place of pizza when I need sustenance in my life.

I spent a chunk of my life in the New York metropolitan area. There are days when I miss being able to turn a corner and walk into a pizza restaurant and be reunited with my one true love.

Honestly, I don’t know what I would do without pizza in my life. As this weekend of love and happiness falls upon the nation, I hope that I can spend a little bit of time with the one that means the most to me.

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