No alarm was raised earlier this week when a sinkhole was discovered underneath part of the Social Science Building.
Facilities management manager Chaim Fullovitz said that a sinkhole was discovered near the entrance to the Social Science testing center early Tuesday morning. Fullovitz said there are no plans currently to do anything to the sinkhole other than to post a sign next to it.
“Realistically, nobody cares,” Fullovitz said. “I put up a sign to let people know it’s there, but the only thing that really matters right now is making sure the new science building is ready to go.”
Several professors were reportedly seen dumping various papers and tests into the sinkhole. One professor admitted to dumping several stacks of papers into the sinkhole rather than grading them.
“Reading some of the crap my students turn in makes me want to drink until I black out,” history professor Morris Sheppard said. “I figured I’d save myself the headache and dump the papers and give out grades based on which students I like and don’t like.”
Reactions from students varied, with some expressing concern over how safe the building was while others voiced indifference.
“I’m late for a very important class,” Lewis Carroll, a political science major, said. “I have no time to worry about sinkholes. I’m late, like right now.”
As students continued to go to and from class inside the building, some were shocked to discover the sinkhole.
“Wait, there’s a sinkhole under here? I can’t believe the building is still open,” Charles Marks, a political science major and future Starbucks barista, said. “Is the university gonna fix it soon, or what?”
When asked about the university’s plans for dealing with the sinkhole, Fullovitz spoke at length about what would be done.
“Nothing really,” he said. “Guess we might just use it as a trash pit.”
Only one thing is clear at this stage: if you believed any word of this, you should have checked the calendar.