This article has been rated PG-13 for its mild adult content, vulgarity and implied sexual content.

This poor, broke college student, who doesn’t know how to save a dime, ventures into a city with far too many movie theaters — one MoviePass, five movies, five days and five theaters. Coming to the Signpost, “This isn’t Netflix and chill: this is real.”

Megaplex Theatres-The Junction

“In a world where almost all theaters are overcrowded, with overpriced concessions, the Megaplex at least has some of the biggest screens. The only question to be asked, ‘Can you overcome the pricey tickets simply for what’s popular?'”

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If Roger Ebert were still alive, I could imagine him saying something to this effect: “For those lucky ones, the answer is yes because at the Junction, there’s the opportunity to buy a reusable popcorn bucket that can be used for an entire year, but they usually sell out by October of the previous year, so you must be quick.” That is, if he reviewed theaters, not movies.

Movie Grille

“In a world where people get hungry sometimes, the poor, broke college student looks down, and his popcorn is gone. He cries out — ‘No!'”

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The Movie Grille can remedy all your problems by delivering food to your seat. Recliner chairs and eating out while at the movies—what more could you ask for? How about the ability to not only watch the movie in your theater but hear almost every word of the movie next door? It’s a two-for-one deal that you weren’t expecting. Don’t focus on the negative. There’s food, and it’s pretty good.

Cinepoint 6

“In a theater where the tickets on a weekday are only $3, the poor, broke college student couldn’t be happier… or could he?”

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The cheap prices seem to attract a sub-par audience. This made it extremely difficult to watch “The Hateful Eight” when the people next to me seemed to have something to say to their neighbor about every scene that just couldn’t wait. The redeeming factor at this theater, besides the cheap tickets, is its cheap concessions.

Cinemark Tinseltown 14

“In the old, run-down mall lies the Cinemark. The poor, broke college student seems to have stumbled upon a hidden gem. It may not be pretty, but looks aren’t always everything.”

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Looks go a long way when it comes to an establishment, but in this case, the Cinemark is much more than meets the eye. Tickets are reasonable. Concessions are overpriced, but there are also ways around this, like purchasing their own refillable mugs and buckets.

The best part of this theater is the staff. When I visited the Cinemark, it was near closing, but every employee was so chipper. Normally, I would suspect this was a facade, but when a regular came in and they knew him by name, I knew that the staff really were that happy, which made the experience that much better.

Walker Cinemas North Ogden

“Family friendly—when it needs to be—real melted butter in a crockpot, the perfect seats and, to top it all off, reasonable prices—the Walker Cinemas are undervalued for what they have to offer. The poor, broke college student can sleep in peace knowing that near perfection has been found.”

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I swear, even though my last name is Walker, I have no affiliation with the theaters. I just go to a lot of theaters and recognize good when I see it. This family-owned theater isn’t your average chain. It’s local, it’s friendly and it’s got real melted butter.

Five days, five movies, five theaters had to come to an end, and what better movie to end such a marathon than “Deadpool.” If Deadpool was real, he might end this with something like, “balls.” So for Wade Wilson: Balls.